Article » Bedtime Battles
Adapted from The Parent Report Radio Show.
Any advice or information contained herein should never be a substitute
for professional and/or medical advice, diagnosis and treatment. For
more information please review Terms of Service.
Bedtime Battles
Those bedtime battles. Believe it or not, there are ways to tuck in a tired toddler without it turning into a power struggle.
Most of us have been through those bedtime battles, when tucking in a tired toddler becomes a power struggle between our kids and ourselves. Question is, are they unavoidable? In other words, how do we ensure that bedtime doesn’t lead to battle time? Pediatrician Dr. Marvin Ghans says the secret is in finding a bedtime routine that works for your family and then sticking with it. "I personally don't recommend a certain bed time for any particular age. Every child is different and a bed time is often dependent on what is going on within the home such as, what time dinner is, and how many other kids there are. Establish a pattern that fits for your family and stick with it.”
Once it is bedtime, how do we convince our toddlers that when the lights go out they should too? Dr. Ghans says that to begin with we should avoid getting into a dialogue with our child at bedtime. "There's no point in debating with your 18 month old child what is an appropriate bedtime. Just say, "this is it! Good night".
Helping a child prepare for separating from parents will help a child go to bed without a battle. Creating a bedtime routine is an important part of this. An example of a bedtime routine may include bathing the child, putting on their pajamas, saying good night to the rest of the family, reading a story and then kissing them good night. Some experts recommend leaving a small night light on and keeping the bedroom door slightly ajar so the child doesn’t feel cut off from the rest of the household.
Once you’ve put your child to bed and have said good night, Dr. Ghans believes the parent's responsibility ends. Instead of battling with your toddler and insisting they shut their eyes and go to sleep Dr. Ghans suggests that you “let them read or play while in their room, as children will always get enough sleep. Just put them to bed at the proper hour and leave. They'll go to sleep when they're tired."
Sharing Options for Bedtime Battles
Related Articles
Recommended Books
Browse
Comments (332)
Join the Discussion:
Note: scrolling to the bottom loads more comments.
-
JB
2011-07-02 3:45 am Permalink
-
Re: Re: awake in the middle of the nightIt is a big mistake to let your kids sleep with you. The risks of later psychological problems in the adult years are inevitable. I once knew a man who could not have relations with his wife because he had spent his childhood sleeping next to his mother. Turns out the smell of a woman in his bed raised the incest taboo subconsciously. Kids have to learn to fall asleep-- it's an essential life skill, like using the toilet or feeding yourself.
-
M.R
2011-02-20 8:49 am Permalink
-
Re: 2 1/2 Year old twins who won't sleepWell actually my girlfriend which is also named Kate lol ironic... she has twins that are also 2s and they won't sleep before 11pm so we feel you pain. She have done everything you have tried but none of it works... She is still wondering how to get them to sleep for her but i just recommend that you do your best at keeping a routine and allow them to self sooth, she use to always sleep with her twins which is why they wont sleep unless they are in... View More
-
corwin
2011-01-12 4:55 am Permalink
-
2-year-old wont calm down in cribOur 2-year-old daughter will not lay down in her crib. As soon as we walk into her room she cries, we place her in her bed and tell her good night and walk out. She continues crying and within 5 minutes she vomits. What do we do?
-
baby
2010-12-20 8:48 am Permalink
-
Re: Re: awake in the middle of the nightAt our place we let our kids to sleep with parents in the same bed until they are ten years old so that they do not have any emotional or insecurity issues.
-
Leigh
2010-12-18 7:48 pm Permalink
-
Re: 25 month old reverts backwards...help!My daughter is 22 mo old and doing almost the exact same thing, only it's been going on for a month now. What happened with you? Any words of wisdom? She has slept through the night in her own bed since she was 2 1/2 months old and suddenly this craziness... Thanks
-
sheena
2010-04-02 1:05 pm Permalink
-
14MTH OLD TWINSI have 14mth old twins, a boy and girl. My daughter sleepd threw the night but my son wakes up about 4 times a night and I have to sometimes put him in my bed to get him 2 go back 2 sleep to keep him from waking up my daughter and now he wakes up more often. As a single mother the lack of sleep is killing me, any suggestions?
-
kristy-lee
2010-03-30 3:52 am Permalink
-
Re: Re: 3 Year old wont go to bed for mommy son done the same thing, and we fianlly gave in n got him a bed, figuring if he cant climb he cant fall...suprisingly he slept in his bedfrom night 1 and didnt wander!!! i think he was just ready to up grade, even though we was only 13 months!
-
Vanessa
2010-01-20 6:02 pm Permalink
-
25 month old reverts backwards...help!My Daughter who is 25 months old was from 13 months sleeping in her big girl bed great. She slept through the night without a peep unless she had a bad dream. In the past week...she will not sleep unless someone is holding her or sitting next to her and when she finally falls asleep she will sleep for a couple of hours then make her way to my bed. No matter what I do or how hard I try she will not even sit on her bed without FREAKING out. I don't... View More
-
Mike
2009-12-18 3:41 pm Permalink
-
Re: 26 month old who has extremely bad sleep habbitsOur toddler (22months) does the exact same thing. He is asleep but moans/sometimes cries. If you go on and touch his back, he'll quiet down...for abotu 30 minutes-1 hour and then is right back at it. Appreciate anybody's suggestions!
-
mimi
2009-09-25 7:39 pm Permalink
-
Re: 2 year old won't stay in the room!!!she needs comfort from her mommy. you need to help her soothe herself. u cant expect a 2 year old to be mature enuf to stay quiet til she sleeps.
-
Amy
2009-08-29 5:23 am Permalink
-
Re: 2-year-old doesn't want to go to sleepmy two year old is having the same problem right now ... however we let him fall asleep in our bed (between 8 and 930) and once he has fallen asleep we put him in his own bed... he is a lighter sleeper but we make sure he has been sleeping for about 15 to 20 mins before we try to move him and that way if he wakes a little he still falls asleep in his bed
-
Amy
2009-08-29 5:18 am Permalink
-
Re: 2 year old won't stay in the room!!!i am not sure how much your child will understand or what level she is at... but maybe try making a chart for her and tell her that if she goes to bed good for 3 days she will get to get a new toy/ or some thing she really loves when she gets 3 stickers in her chart.... each time she fills it add one or two more stickers to her chart so eventually she will have to get more and more stickers to earn her "gift", eventually you just fade the... View More
-
Amy
2009-08-29 5:13 am Permalink
-
Re: 2-year-old doesn't want to go to sleepput a chair in her room that is close to the bed... and each night back it away further and further... put a little nightlight or leave the hall light on with the door open slightly and keep a fan running/ radio on/ any thing for "white noise" so that if you make a little bit of noise leaving the room she will not notice (i dont know if it will help you but its worth a try!!!)
-
abby
2009-08-26 2:53 am Permalink
-
Re: 2-year-old doesn't want to go to sleepI would just absolutely child proof the bed and the room, and do what your dad says. If she cries, she has to learn to self-soothe..it is miserable to listen to, but better get her to learn this now than years from now when your relationship with your husband may really be negatively impacted. My little one goes to bed great OR screams for 30 minutes straight. I tuck her in, say good night, walk out, and let her do whatever she needs to do. Your... View More
-
jo
2009-08-26 2:49 am Permalink
-
Re: 26 month old who has extremely bad sleep habbitsSounds like this might be night terrors...kids are still asleep though they look awake...there is nothing to do though, and trying to wake them makes it worse. they have to 'sleep it out..' this should pass in time..hopefully. i recommend ear plugs or an ipod so that YOU can sleep soundly!
-
tonianne
2009-08-08 2:16 pm Permalink
-
Re: 2-year-old doesn't want to go to sleephello my 2 yr old is fine at actually being put into bed theproblem is i have to stay in the room holding her hand or sitting very close until she goes to sleep and if i make the slightest noise trying to leave the room she screams and screams, my dad said i should shut the dor and let her go to sleep herself so i tried it and she was screaming so loud it sounded like she was in pain wen i went into her she had put her leg over the top of the cot... View More
-
HELP
2009-07-17 12:45 am Permalink
-
2 year old won't stay in the room!!!This is great and I would have said the same thing to anyone who asked... until I had my second child - the (now 2 year old) girl!! We've tried EVERYTHING!! We've followed the typical supernanny style (no attention just put her back but after four hours she's still screaming and leaving her room. We've now put a gate in her doorway which just causes her to stand there and scream louder!! She just won't stay in bed! Forget putting her back in... View More
-
JGN
2009-07-14 1:15 am Permalink
-
Re: 2-year-old doesn't want to go to sleepHow is that at all constructive?
-
mrs d
2009-06-30 3:27 am Permalink
-
Re: Does Dr. Ghans have children?I saw on nanny 911 where this exact scenario occurred. solution was to physically hold the door shut-even if its for 3 hours-until the child goes to sleep. the mom did it for about 3 nights straight and each night it got better & better until the child finally "got" the pictre
-
Michael
2009-05-26 4:28 am Permalink
-
Re: 26 month old who has extremely bad sleep habbitsPlease tell me someone has helped you with this. My daughter does the exact same thing. She is 100% normal through the day and at nap time, but at night we wake up a minimum of 4 times and can be every 20-30 minutes. Our Dr. says the same thing, almost as if he is not even listening and hears the same thing from every parent. I know way to many parents that tell me that it's not normal for that kind of behavior. Please help... My sanity is at stake... View More
-
Theresa
2009-05-11 6:11 pm Permalink
-
Re: 3-year old won't stay in bedWe put up a gate in front of the door so he could open the door but not run amuck around the house. We are TRYING (key word) to ignore him when he yells.
-
Dave
2009-04-23 4:33 pm Permalink
-
3-year old won't stay in bedThe article is fine as far as it goes. I have not problem with it. But, if I leave my son's door ajar, he gets out of bed and runs around the house. If I close the door, he opens it and runs around the house. If I lock the door (which I hate to do), he pounds on the door. Yikes!
-
Tracy
2009-03-30 6:40 am Permalink
-
Re: 3 Year old wont go to bed for momI also have this problem although so does his daddy no matter weather we have a bedtime routine or not we still struggle and finally around 3 am my 3 year old finally decides to pass out and it wearing me out!!1
-
S
2009-03-04 9:40 pm Permalink
-
2 1/2 yr. old serious sleep issuesSorry to hear so many of us are struggling but I have to say it is a little relief to know that I'm not alone in this long, grueling process. Since birth my son has been a horrible sleeper. He has always been overly tired and seems to think he is missing out on something by sleeping. Tantrums or excessive crying have been a constant reminder of his lack of sleep. He has managed to work up to about 11.5hrs of sleep from time-to-time which is up from... View More
-
Athena
2009-02-13 4:26 am Permalink
-
Re: 3 Year old wont go to bed for mommy toddler will not stay in his bed (crib). he is barely two and climbs out of the crib and wanders the house. its a struggle every night and we are getting no sleep. help