Article » Tips on Disciplining Toddlers
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Tips on Disciplining Toddlers
Laying down a few rules with your toddler takes patience and consistency. Here's how to set limits with your little tyke.
It's during the toddler years, when children begin to become more independent that the need for discipline, or limit setting, presents itself. Simply the fact that toddlers love to explore and we need to keep them safe is reason enough for a few ground rules.
Disciplining toddlers does not mean punishing them. It's important to avoid hitting, being overly strict or overly reactive. The idea behind setting limits with little tykes is to help guide their behavior so that they're kept out of harm's way. Heidi Merkoff author of "What to Expect, The Toddler Years" agrees that "the most important thing to keep in mind when you're talking about discipline, is what the meaning of the word is. It means to teach and that should be your only objective when disciplining a toddler...teaching them right from wrong. It doesn't mean to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, to punish."
Toddlers are just learning about the world around them and Merkoff says that expecting too much from their behavior is a mistake. "Parents often set overly high expectations for their toddlers. They expect them to show impulse control, which they lack by nature. They expect them to sit still for long periods of time. They expect them to remember the rules and regulations. Toddlers need constant reminders of the rules."
So when setting rules for a toddler keep a few things in mind. First don't have too many rules, as this can be overwhelming for a young tyke. Keep the rules simple and reasonable. Then once you've established a few limits with your toddler it's important to stick with them explains Merkoff. "Consistency is very important when it comes to any aspect of parenting, especially with discipline. Toddlers need consistency and to know what is expected of them. You shouldn't expect too much, but there should be a consistency for those expectations that do exist."
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Samm
2011-09-26 2:23 am Permalink
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18 Month Old SonMy 18month old son is a very talented and loving boy, most of the time. but sometimes he will break down 4 what i can see no reason at all. i try to see whats wrong or ask him if he wants to go do something like play out side or read a book but he just gets angry and wont listen, iv tried puttin him alone in his room but he just sits the and doesnt stop crying, i dont know what to do.
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ANIA
2011-01-13 6:28 pm Permalink
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Re: Bitting Agressive ToddlerWell no wonder she is aggressive if you "smack" her!!! I'm sure if you spoke to the director she would give you pointers how to deal with this!! Have you ever heard that most bullies are bullied!! Bitting and aggression is brought from home, she needs love and care and protection!! When she shows aggression thats most likely because she is frustrated, she can't express her emotions. I run a in-home daycare and I do have a "biter"... View More
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victoria
2010-12-11 7:19 pm Permalink
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14 month old boy behaves violent and horribleMy 14 Month old son behaves really bad. He goes the whole day running around getting into things throwing or trying to break things, if you don't let him he will hit anybody bite and pull hair. If he can't get to you then he will charge around the house screeming bloody murder hitting himself in the face.. He bangs his head on the wall also.. He doesn't live with other kids or play with them but ewhen I take him to a playground he tries to find a... View More
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Julieann
2010-10-18 2:29 pm Permalink
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private daycareI watch 2 infants one who is 14 months old and another who is almost 1. I love them both and am very happy to have them. I however have been having some behaviors from Lets say A as the 14 month old and B as the 1 year old. A has been biting my B now 3 times. What do I do to correct this. I feel like I am a failure as a provider. This last time it happened I was just finished feeding them placed them in the play area and had went to the next room... View More
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Nick
2010-05-05 8:01 pm Permalink
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Re: Almost 3 with new baby on the Way. Please Help!Read up on it online if you like. But DHA and omega 3's help with child behaviour like this. Also if he's having a tantrum, sometimes you just have to leave him until he gets it out of his system. He shouldn't be hitting you so you should let him know that its an automatic time out, for 2 minutes. Afterwards explain why he got the time out and give him a hug. If he doesn't want to eat, sometimes you just let him not eat. If he wants to eat say... View More
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Nick
2010-05-05 7:52 pm Permalink
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Re: Help! Good for childminder bad for me!Your child is just more comfortable with you so behaves in certain ways she is not likely to with the childminder. And she's too distracted with the biscuits. Try moving them to somewhere else and avoid using them for a while. The sugar can also cause hyperactive behaviour. Foods/ or child supplements with DHA can improve her behaviour (esp with tantrums). As for getting her to listen, the best you can do is complement her when she listens... View More
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katiem
2010-04-27 8:47 am Permalink
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Re: my 14 month old don't listen when i say no!!!!!!!!HI you poor thing! I understand completely! I just read an atricle about ignoring certain things and not saying no too much as this word is the word they say most at this age! I wold stop smacking her hand and put her on the naughty step and see if that works!
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Katie
2010-04-27 8:44 am Permalink
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Help! Good for childminder bad for me!Hi! My 17 month old girl is perfect for her childminder but with me she will not eat any meal in her high chair as she wants to be in grown up chairs and wants biscuits all the time! If she doesnt get this she takes a tantrum. I deal with these tantrums by taking her away from where the cupboard with the biscuits in is and distracting her with something else but at meal times i think she has to learn to sit in a seat at some point so i take her... View More
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cris
2009-12-29 7:54 am Permalink
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boy - hitting his headi have a problem with my kid, he easily get frustrated and when he does he hit his head and when he is also very happy he also hit his head, what's wrong with him? i can't believe he do that to himself i was so upset. is there any explanation to that and how can i stop that doing that. i notice when he saw new people or person he also hit his head.
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ola
2009-11-24 9:23 pm Permalink
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Re: This is nothing like what I expectedwell i work with age 1-2 and i found out that parent allow their kids to dictate to them instead of the way round. Parents are to show the way to go while the kids follow. I would advice that when you tuck him to bed at night let him understand that it is time to sleep and them leave him in his cot if he cries don't go to him unless to give him water or milk. You should allow him to cry if he wants to and i bet you by the time you do that for 3days... View More
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Miriam
2009-08-04 5:13 pm Permalink
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Re: Our SonHi, my son is also in a Daycare, he is 18 mo. and I am so afraid he will be sent home. Something that I discovered is that the teachers there do not say anything to him. I asked them to put him on time out (or time alone like they call it) if he was not behaving. He was hitting another kid with a truck, so I asked them why didn't they take the truck away from him. These kids spend more time at the daycare than with us, if these teachers don't partner... View More
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holly
2009-07-21 2:10 am Permalink
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Re: Our Sonomg that has to be my son you're describing.. i unfortunately have no advice to give, as i had just finished typing up my plea for help but alin is uncontrolable. he will throw a fit in any public place for any reason. i hate to say it but he has the run of the house and as much as i have always said "mine would never act like that they will know better" there isn't any disciplinary method that i can think of that phases him. he laughs at... View More
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Holly
2009-07-21 1:48 am Permalink
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This is nothing like what I expectedI am a young (21) single parent, and although i wasn't nieve enough to believe this would be easy, I don't remember my now 8 year old brother being difficult at all.. My 18 month old son has been biting, hitting, and pinching for months now, and I have exhausted all of my ideas to make him stop. My family and I have tried puting him down and ignoring the behavior when he was younger without success. I have also tried time-outs and grabbing his hands... View More
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Holly
2009-06-30 2:47 pm Permalink
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Re: A cranky 15 month oldWell, refusing to take a bottle is actually a good thing. I had a hard time getting my little one off of a bottle. try a sippy with a straw. This worked with my little one, she was facinated with the straw. Also, check for molars coming in this can bring on fever and tantrums. On really bad nights I would give my little one a sponge bath with lavender to calm her and some infant tylenol.
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Leah C
2009-06-16 9:02 pm Permalink
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Re: Almost 3yr old & ignores me & doesn't listen when im talking to her.Hi just wanted to let you know that your post could have been written by me! my daughter (3 in Sept) is driving me mad with ignoring me and telling me 'no' all the time but still close. I've come to realise that she is a very intelligent child and i need to up my game with disciplining her. If i don't do it right god knows how she'll end up! Wishing you happy times and the very best of luck with your 'little angel' x
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Sue
2009-05-04 10:37 am Permalink
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A cranky 15 month oldMy girl is almost 15 months now. She is very attached to me - so attached that everytime she sees me, she'll cry for attention. I still breastfeed her - not because I want to - but coz she needs me as a comfort just before she goes to bed. It's become a habit. She refuses to take the bottle. She sleeps in between my hubby and I as well. Lately, after a bout of fever and cold, she turned for the worse. She cries incessantly esp so when she sees me... View More
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Lee-Ane'
2009-04-01 10:34 am Permalink
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Almost 3yr old & ignores me & doesn't listen when im talking to her.She just hardly ever listens to what i say, when she does something wrong, i will ask her to please stop & she will just keep on doing it. she also takes off her clothes & doesn't want to put it back on. i'm trying to get her to know what is allowed & whats not but she just never listens to me just do what she wants & that makes me very impasiant i've tried to talk nice to her, talk angry & then explain why i'm angry & why... View More
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Marc Lewis
2009-03-23 4:10 pm Permalink
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Re: 2 yr old with separation anxietiesYou're right, Pam. He needs a lot of support and reassurance right now. You can reassure you're son that that will make him stronger and more independent in the long run. Since you have been the primary caregiver, you should not be out of his life for any length of time. Even to visit or talk on the phone once a day would be a good idea if you can arrange it. Marc Lewis Developmental Psychologist
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Pam
2009-03-14 1:57 pm Permalink
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2 yr old with separation anxietiesMy daughter moved out from my home 2 months ago and while she and my grandson were living here I was his main caregiver. He spent very little time with his mother. He would become hysterical when I would leave the house and sometimes even just the room. I suspected physical abuse and quickly put a stop to that. She moved out and since then has just dropped him off with whomever she could find to take him...I suspect for days at a time. I have... View More
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Tyler
2009-02-11 6:57 pm Permalink
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Re: 3 1/2 yr old wont listen , tried everything!need helpWhat does dad do that you don't? Is dad the enforcer? If so, it's time for you to take a turn. Once your son learns that you will enforce the same rules as dad, he will begin to listen to you, too (as much as a 3-year-old listens, that is.)
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A.F. Burrell, LMFT
2009-01-29 3:50 pm Permalink
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Re: 2 1/2 year old and new babyIt is within normal limits for your toddler to regress w/ the birth of a newborn. Try "letting" her be a "baby" during certain periods. ie. "Since you won't go in potty, you are reminding mommy you are a baby, so babies wear diapers." Allow her a time period (ie. 3-6pm) when she will be a "baby". During that time, any behavior she tries to do that is more "toddler" like is discouraged. Another... View More
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Stacie
2009-01-05 2:15 am Permalink
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Re: Toddler fights his sleepNo let them cry themselves to sleep. Check in them ever few min. to make sure they are still fine, but other than that, they just want you to stay with them. Use a baby gate to put across their room. I let my son stand and cry at the gate until he feel asleep. I also never set "bed time rules" like "lights out". when I turned off the light it stays off. whatever they can find to do in the dark didn't bother me. They will get... View More
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Katie
2008-12-19 5:19 am Permalink
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Re: HOW TO STOP 2YRO FROM BITTINGGive them a special toy to chew on when they feel like biting. sometimes it's just teething pain...also, try timeouts everytime she does it and remind her to be gentle
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Katie
2008-12-19 5:17 am Permalink
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Re: need help with my 14 month oldTry showing him another physical activity in place of the hitting/pinching/biting that allows him to get his anger out. For instance, clapping his hands together when he wants to hit, jumping up and down in place, spinning in circles...tell him "no hit, it hurts. do this (and show him activity) when you are mad." Also, show him how to be gentle by taking his hand and stroking it as you say "gentle." Do this everytime he hits/bites/pinches... View More
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Katie
2008-12-19 5:10 am Permalink
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Re: my 14 month old don't listen when i say no!!!!!!!!Try diverting her attention with something else that she CAN do, like "helping" mommy or letting her play with something else that is age appropriate (plastic kitchen utensils are good). You could also try singing a song together, dancing around the room, giving her a task to do (i.e., "go get the ball/teddy/doll and bring it to Mommy"), really any physical activity that diverts her attention... Definitely don't hit her because... View More