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Tempted to bribe or punish your child for his behavior? You may want to think again, because neither have long term impact on children’s behavior.
Have you ever been tempted to bribe your child into behaving well? Perhaps it’s a candy or small toy that is promised for good behavior at the supermarket. As tempting as it is to bribe our children, it’s generally ineffectual and most experts feel that just as there is little to be gained from punishing bad behavior, the same holds true for rewarding good behavior. Director of the Parent Education and Resource Center, Sara Dimerman feels neither rewarding nor bribing does little to teach a child self-discipline. "If parents are always applying rewards and punishments, either taking away a privilege or giving a bribe in order to get the child to do something, then children look to the parents for rewards for doing something. They (the children) also become very angry and revengeful whenever anything is taken away from them."
So rather then rewards, bribes or punishment, natural consequences can be very effective. "For example”, says Dimerman, "if a child insists on going outside on a cool day without his coat let him. He would quickly learn that he needs a coat in order to stay warm. In this case the natural consequence isn't life threatening and it avoids power struggles between parent and child. The natural consequence is in essence the teacher.”
However Dimerman adds that there are times when a natural consequence doesn't work and a parent needs to step in with a logical consequence. "If a child were to run across a busy street, you couldn't allow the natural consequence of being hit by a car happen. Instead a parent would apply logical consequences, telling the child that because they broke a rule and played near the street they would then have to play in the house."
Natural and logical consequences can be far better teachers for our children then lectures, punishments or unexplained rules. It empowers children to really understand how their behavior and choices impact others, themselves and the world around them.
Adapted from The Parent Report Radio Show. Any advice or information contained herein should never be a substitute for professional and/or medical advice, diagnosis and treatment. For more information please review Terms of Service.
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